Standing in my bathroom this morning I took a good long look at myself in the mirror. Looking back at me was what I saw as a small town, hardworking single mom. Standing there I couldn’t help but look deep at this image and remember where I came from, and ask myself a simple question…. Stephanie, how did you get here???
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ~Aristotle
When I asked myself this question I felt a whole lot of peace in my heart that once wasn’t there. And this was what I have always wanted to feel, peace… I couldn’t help but feel so much pride in my heart when I experienced this feeling. I say this because I have looked for peace in so many places….
It is my opinion we chase so many things in our lifetime in the pursuit of happiness. And I am speaking for myself when I make that statement. Happiness, peace whatever you equate your happiness to be we usually chase it in all the wrong areas. I have spent most of my life looking for it in vanity, materialism, money and even men. But I remember so clearly when I finally come to realize what it was I was looking for.
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama
A few years ago I got involved deep in prayer and meditations to help me calm the chaos I felt in my mind and heart. I just knew there was something more to my life than all the anxiety and fear I always felt. So I began asking myself questions back then, and completely committed myself to doing my own soul work to resolve these feelings I was feeling.
I recall like it was yesterday and I speak of it so often. Laying on the floor in silence, praying for an answer and a vision appeared in my mind clear as day. This vision was something I have seen oh so many times in my life in other ways and never paid the first once of attention. I remember a chill rolling down my spine and tears flowing from my eyes when this vision came to me. I had no idea what was going on, then I realized what I was seeing, I saw myself! I saw that child I was in that wheelchair in 1993, and I was asking these same questions I was asking today. I continued to pray and cry and pray and cry… I couldn’t lose this moment was all I could think. I laid on that floor so long and held that vision in my mind. Then this beautiful vision that had me in such tears changed, I then saw the Stephanie I am today and I was holding that child’s hand I was in 1993. Asking these questions, and embracing these horrid feelings I let them show me what my next step was in life … I could see it so clear and it touched my soul on every level, and I felt complete confirmation.
“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of ourselves.”
Then I opened my eyes and it was there, this peace, or this happiness I had always been looking for. From the bottom of my heart, I knew laying on that floor in complete silence that there was a greater power working and I also knew wholeheartedly I had received the answer I had been praying so hard for, for so long…
A few years have past since this vision appeared to me that day but after I experienced this surreal moment I have had this peace in my heart. And all the questions I have always asked in my mind all these years were suddenly answered, and all the noise I had in my mind of anxiety was gone, I finally knew…