I have always been a pretty optimistic person most of my life, but yesterday was one of those days we all have. A day when if something was going to go wrong it went every way to get there. I spent my whole day in the gym working and ended it with a boot camp class I admit was a half hearted class. So when I got to my car to make the drive home I was overjoyed that I would be making the trip home in silence to get my mind together from such a hectic day…
I got home to do my regular chores and as I headed off to bed for the night I grabbed my laptop to do some work. I threw it in bed with me like I usually do and opened my email. Let me first say I have been working with a few girls in high school on their running. Looking at my email I noticed one from one of the ladies letting me know she was not going to be able to join our group for any more of our runs. She went on to say she appreciated all our work but her boyfriend didn’t feel comfortable with her doing this anymore… She also said she didn’t want to lose him and be alone so she wanted to spend more time with him. In that moment of reading this I stopped, took a breath and my heart sank to the floor. I sat there for a few more minutes in silence while contemplating exactly what I wanted to reply back to her. There was so much I promise you rolling through my mind to say, but a 17 year old child probably should not hear those words, so I spoke directly from my heart (minus all the f-bombs). I simply responded back with a thank you and we will miss you sweetheart, but I added at the end when times change please come back and join us…
“Don’t worry about finding your soul mate. Find yourself.” ~ Jason Evert
I’ve pondered over this letter in my mind so much since I read it. I kept thinking to myself this is a person that is truly interested in running and learning more about this sport I could help. Then the thoughts of geezzzz I remember how guys in high school tried to control every little thing you did, and finally thoughts of the past two years of my own self-discovery came to me.
Holy cow, I remember days like this girl was feeling, those days of feeling so alone because my boyfriend never called or feeling like I had to do this or that because “he” said so. Then of course feeling like I must do this because she is doing that and he thinks she is prettier than I am… Blahh blahhh blahhh!
My question is why is it we as young girls feel these guys have to complete us or why do we feel like we HAVE to have them at all? I do understand some of the answer to this question from growing up here in the south. Everyone expects you to be married right out of high school to the high school flame. Then you settle down, have kids and it’s happily ever after, right? So WRONG? Working with these younger girls I hear so much of their love lives, and luckily I can help them and help provide them with the confidence they need that most of these dudes tend to take from them only because of their lack of it!
“Mistakes are a great educator when one is honest enough to admit them and willing to learn from them.” ~Unknown
All my bonding I have been doing with these younger ladies has helped me even more with discovery of myself. I see now how I once was and I notice some of the mistakes I made with friends and family through the past few years. I was like a junkie for other people’s approval, permission, information, and maps for my own life purpose. It was like I had hidden away passions, dreams and desires in a closet for certain guys or allowed what people saw as “The right way to live”, and “The right things to do” to actually be right. Believe me when I say this, being a single mother in any small town is hard. It took me spending time away and facing a fear that this child had in the letter she sent me, being alone. I simply had to decluttering my life of people, places and even objects that I got a negative vibe from and its honestly amazing where the circle of life has lead me by doing this, and I am happy!
“Fear, uncertainty, and discomfort are your compasses toward growth.” ~Celestine Chua
I learned a very good lesson on being alone over the past year and I express this lesson to my girls. I flew into Atlanta expecting a boyfriend of mine, like the girl in the letter was talking about, to pick me up and what did I find… I was left at that airport all alone, very late at night with nowhere to go. So after a long bus ride home it just hit me I finally get it… I kept saying in my mind over and over this was happening only to strengthen my soul and it did just that. I realized after that day, I had devalued my own self worth by depending on him, and I was one strong gal for not crying all the way home and I was definitely strong for not beating the holy sh*t out of this bastard… But I picked it up and moved forward…
“You are built not to shrink down to less but to blossom into more.”
Value… another lesson learned I speak to these ladies of often. Value yourself, if this guy is talking to you this way and you feel bad when he is saying it that is a sign right there. I hear these ladies talk on how their boyfriends say this to them or cheat on them with this chic or that chic. I always tell them to just let it go, it will be the easiest thing they can do even though it feels hard at this moment. This was one hard lesson for me to learn I promise ya…. It took me being stood up over and over, having guys try to hook up with my friends or even family and of course hearing all the stories of how beautiful the other girls were, for me to receive my “I get it moment”…. It isn’t our place to change these dudes, this is how they are I can accept it and be happy or move on its really so simple, but hard… What I did learn was to love myself over anyone else, and it wasn’t a bad thing like I was always told, and then another lesson was that these guys lost one damn good woman is all I would say… lol
“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being YOU!
The last thing I talk so often to my girls are is being real. But my thoughts on that is what I heard all my life, you will reach that time in your life where you say screw it I don’t care if it bothers you… I even ran into a lady today at the supermarket that told me this many years ago and I told her you were so right on, and this is so liberating. Over the past few years I learned a lot on this from those negative friends and even some family that tried to derail my dreams. But a great lesson for me with authenticity was when you are yourself everything seems to flow right, the running, the networking, the modeling the working out…. Everything is better when you learn to BE. This was extremely hard for me to understand being the multitasker, gotta have it all kinda person I was…
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick
To sum up this whole entry and call it a night, I will say we are all worthy of happiness. I believe that is what each person in this lifetime is looking for in some way or another. It was only until I found myself that I found happiness and I found it is everywhere…
