“The distinction between the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”
I was asked to speak this weekend at a marathon in Albany Georgia and this day is what I will call a very defining moment in this amazing story of my life. I was asked to do this by a friend who attended a speaking I did last year for some children. I told her I would love to do it because this town is significant to me. I felt prepared and ready and I have had months to prepare myself mentally for it, but when Friday came my heart and mind just wasn’t ready. I walked in the room and listened carefully to the first speaker, speak so well then my time came. I decided to play my running documentary before I spoke, and I stood there and watched it and my heart fell to the floor as I watched it! Every time I watch that video it brings more emotion to me and I say I learn more on the meaning and purpose of life each time I watch it. So then it was time for me to speak, and I lost all my words and it seems like all I could do was cry!
“While we are one, I will bring you my truth. It will be real and powerful and magnificent. And you will love it. I will show it to you, and you will be amazed and wonder at my clarity.”
Since the day I WALKED out of those hospital doors on October 8th, 1993 I have always had a knowing in my heart. It has been only the past few years I have felt that push come over me that has brought all these emotions and feelings back. I ran in Albany this weekend and I consider this a defining moment in my story. I have run this race before but before I wasn’t in the same mind frame as I am today. I ran by my hospital I was at for 4 months of my life as a child and as I ran I glanced up at this place and remembered so vividly my mom and sister pushing me around in my wheelchair in 1993. The tears began swelling up in my eyes but instantly gratitude took over my heart. I honestly can say I felt that emotion of gratitude and love take over me and immediately I felt it… I just knew again…
“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.”
~Bernice Johnson Reagan
After I ran by that hospital I began thinking of the speech I gave the night before. Although I knew it wasn’t great, it had a whole lot of meaning to it I don’t feel I expressed well. And running by that location reminded me of the importance of what exactly I was trying to say over all the tears and emotion I had. After I stood there and watched that documentary I began speaking on my running and how I had overcame obstacles in my life and then how my path went in so many directions. I stood up there and mentioned a few extremely defining moments I have had… Such as walking out the door that night, June of 1993, then walking out those hospital doors October 8th, 1993, and of course running through that finish line of 2006. Next I moved to seven years down the road to standing in the streets of Boston MA in April of 2013. Running by that hospital the next day I recognized more of things that I should have expressed. I experienced grace, an inner surrender, the compassion, the vulnerability and the courage to look fear directly in the face and it sounds so crazy to hear that but I did and I have on this whole journey of mine especially since that day. Life has opened my eyes in more ways that I thought was ever possible since then… I could finally see!!!
“Sometimes in tragedy we find our life’s purpose. The eye sheds a tear to find its true focus.”
“over time, staying real becomes the work of keeping our actions in the world connected to the truth of our inner being, allowing our True Self to see the light of day.” ~Mark Nepo
I have sobbed in gratitude since I left that town Saturday, even though I feel I did not do my best at that speech. I am most grateful for all of those events I spoke of that night, even though I didn’t mention more defining moments in my story. I didn’t mention that day in April sent me on one of the greatest spiritual journeys of my life. That coming home after that day I saw those walls of that hospital every single day I woke up! That every moment I turn around I come in contact with someone who has relevance to the story of my own life leading me to a great purpose. I should have mentioned to those runners that the sport they loved will lead them to their ultimate destination in life IF they will allow it and use it efficiently and not destructively…. I should have and could have said much much more but I will not regret I will only save it for the next…
“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.” ~F. Scott Fitzgerald
To end this entry I will say there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t remember the challenges I had when I was a child. But today I embrace the days I thought were misery and I appreciate every obstacle I faced. I also appreciate those people who doubted me and gave up hope on me. Because I realized after I ran by that hospital Saturday, I AM one bad mother runner who has lived 2 months on a respirator in a coma and in a little over a month I am running THE BOSTON MARATHON!!!!
Never Give Up, Never Give In, Never Stop Trying, NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!!