Discovering yourself is a very unique adventure to say the least. I have been on this self discovery path over the past few years and I have come in contact with quite a bit of, how should I say this??? Unusual pieces of myself… But ultimately I have come in contact with exactly what life was trying to show me…
“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”
The day my discovery began I will never forget. It is a day my intentions were far from discovering anything other than an ego trip. This day was a day in July of 2013, in fact it was the day before my 35th birthday. It was a moment I have read to be a quantum moment which is described as a moment that awakens your spirit within. I have seen this day every day since 2013 in my mind which is another characteristic of a quantum moment. But when I explain this moment in more detail you will understand it is a moment in my own subconscious mind that has never left and it was only life speaking to me loudly, to remember….
There I was living my life to the fullest. I was modeling for a tennis wear company in Atlanta Georgia. I was high on life at that time, considering I had been feeling so very depressed from a few previous months prior to this shoot, I just knew this was God pulling me out of the gutter my heart had been wallowing in and I can’t lie, my ego was a mile wide at this point. I didn’t think of any of the previous months I had before all I could think in my mind was that my face was going to be all over this place and that place and then it happend….
This was a two day shoot and I arrived at the location and began dressing for the pictures which was on the tennis court. I was on cloud nine and we shot for a few hours, then he received a phone call from his wife. The photographer looks at me and says scoot up to Starbucks and I will be back by to pick you up and we will finish the shoot. He said I have to go home and pick up my son. So I did, I went up the road to Starbucks and chilled for 20 or so minutes. He pulls back up to me and I bee bop out to the car and whip around and look in the back seat of that car. In the moment I turned around my life suddenly changed, the ego took a back seat! I saw an eight year old boy, he was sitting in a car seat. He had his head hanging down with spit rolling out of his mouth. I remember feeling a chill roll down my spine, then the dad looks at me and says I am so so sorry. He was frantic, all he could do was apologize for having the boy, then he says to me. This is Davis and he has a brain injury….He was still frantic about having to have the boy with him, then I remember grabbing this guys hand and saying softly to him. Its ok, I know this situation way more than you could ever imagine. I calmed the man down and we went back to the tennis courts to finish our shoot.
“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of ourselves.”
I remember leaving that day and a light going off in my mind. There was certainly a higher power in order that day… Looking at that little boy in that car seat, I saw that same picture I have held in my mind for 20 years. Sitting in that wheelchair in Albany Georgia, my head hanging down, spit rolling out of my mouth uncontrollably… All I could do was cry, cry tears of gratitude for my life… In that moment I realized life was showing me exactly what I had put behind me for so long… Life was telling me to take a deeper look at myself…
Since that day in July in Atlanta Georgia my life has never been the same. At every corner I turn I see signs leading me. And what is so important to my heart and soul is that I actually recognize these today… I have also kept in contact with this family closely since this event. Davis was eight years old when I met him and this past weekend he turned the age of 12.
“Talk less. Listen more. Feel deeper. Love better. Open your eyes. Experience life.”
To end my entry I will say I have finally learned this life speaks to us in so many different ways. In fact, it speaks always. And learning to hear and see what it is saying has taken me such a long time to recognize but just the fact that I can accomplish something as great as this, gives me full confidence it can be done by anyone. And I want to say a big happy birthday to Davis, and also a big thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to see!
Never Give Up, Never Give In, Never Stop Trying, Never EVER Give Up!!!