Healing

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I had the privilege and honor of turning another year older last month. Upon this transormation in my life I found myself taking a look at life in a perspective I have never done so before. I turned 38 years old last month and I can say confidently that my past year was a complete and total year of healing. A different type of healing, a healing of my soul…

It is my opinion we all heal in different ways and on different levels. My past year of healing has been brought to me through ways most people would never view as a healing. My healing has come to me through heartache, disappointment, void, love, speaking, and most of all through sharing what I have learned.

The perspective we take on our lives dictate the level in which we heal I have finally learned. With saying that, I will also say I aquired this through throwing my hand full force into training people over the past year, and mostly younger individuals. With each child I have trained I have connected and bonded on a professional and a more spiritual type of level with them. Every child that I have worked with has shown me a significant part of myself. The piece of myself I always battled with to accept…These children have been such a light to my eye. I have seen their greatness a mile away and they never even knew it was there until I awoke it in them. Or I like to say I uncovered their eyes to the brightness.

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Growing up I always felt that unworthy feeling. I had many reasons for this, mainly because I suffered severe anxiety from a brain injury and of course the whole adolescence stage is about finding ourselves. Somehow I never felt “Good Enough” for anyone or any situation, and looking back today I see so clearly and understand my anxiety played such a big role in this. My thinking as a child was my disability from the brain injury made me different from people and people thought of me different, when really the only disability I had was my thinking. But I ultimately went searching like most kids for that validation. Which in turn lead me down wrong roads, to wrong people, and definitely in wrong places. Luckily I always held onto an inner vision and held faith so strong I could stand on it that I pulled myself up and out of places in my life I drifted.

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Training these children through this year has helped me see the world with different eyes, a completely different perspective. It has given me clarity of every uneven road I have taken in my life for validation or truth. And the greatest lesson I have uncovered with these kids has been a lesson I have uncovered for my own soul. This lesson has been that illumination is frightening. When I say those words I am saying I have learned how brightness of an individual can be so discerning to a world of darkness.

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Each child has confided in me with stories of issues they encounter after winning or achieving goals. When I hear these stories from them I always give the advice I know, which is you will always have naysayers on your journey. You will hear you are doing too much or you aren’t doing enough. Trust in you and know what you want and where you stand. But the best advice I give them is stay strong through it all and never give up! When I speak these words to these kids I always see in my minds eye the little girl I once was searching for those words. Searching for the validation, always wondering why or what to do to be accepted. Then when this vision comes to me I have the knowing in my heart I have always had. I know I am on the right path in life and I know this is a miraculous healing taking place in my soul…

To end my entry I want to share the wisest lesson I’ve cultivated over my now 38 years. That every single heartache, pain, disfunction, and even every piece of happiness has been of absolute value. But not of value for my own life, but for value to that of someone else’s life. I am so grateful and blessed to say I have finally learned this lesson in my life… That this life is only given to us to be given away…
Never Give Up, Never Give In, Never Stop Trying, Never Ever Give UP

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